This months blog answers some of the frequently asked questions by my young clients. I am certain you will find it an interesting read;
Q:I always go out of my way to please my friends ( male or female ) But they seem to be doing hurtful things to me most times. Is it my fault?
A:Its not your fault when people decide to be mean or hurtful. But the thoughts you are projecting and the way you respond to people has everything to do with you. Two things you must deal with; Your thought pattern and your attitude towards your friends.
Your thought pattern: Deal with that constant nagging in your mind that your friends will be mean to you. You have naturally accepted it as a pattern in your life so you are unconsciously expecting it to happen even when the signs are not there. So you will get what you are expecting. ( Read November 2010 blog on how your thoughts affect your life) You have to change your mindset and begin to think more positively about your relationships.
Your attitude towards friends: Friends respond to you according to how they perceive your personality and level of confidence. If you treat yourself with respect and act confidently friends will treat you the same. But if you come across as being wimpy or a doormat, friends will take you for granted and trample all over you – Infact being nice at this point will almost always make things worse because you will appear needy and desperate. ( works same in every relationship-even with the opposite sex).
Some ways to deal with this attitude will include not to permit a rude hurtful remark to you- stop it immediately. Be assertive and disagree politely or say no when you do not agree with something – friends may seem hurt but they will respect you for it. Never chase after a friend (male or female) when they have clearly demonstrated they need a break – this works adversely, you lose control and you empower the person to treat you badly. More importantly, be yourself but a more confident you.
Q: I am reserved, like to look smart & trendy but not overdressed or too revealing, but it seems the girls that get the most attention from the boys are the girls that flirt most with the guys, wear too much makeup & very seductive clothes.
A: Girls who do this definitely get the boys attention, but for all the wrong reasons- They also get a lot of disrespect, heartaches and bad reputation because they come across as cheap and loose. This approach is wrong if you want to attract intelligent and well meaning guys who will treat you with the respect you deserve.
A girl who wants to be respected must be real and down to earth. I always advice nice moderate make-up, trendy decent clothing and an amiable personality. A guy who likes you sees further than make up and seductive clothing. A strong and decent personality will distinguish you from the rest and you will attract the best kind of people ( both male & female ) who will nurture more positive relationships.
Q: Most of my friends seem to be in a relationship and this has put me under pressure to do the same. But I am not sure I am ready yet.
A: I always say to my young clients you do not have to do something because everyone else is doing it or just to join the band wagon. There is a time for everything – Life is so exciting especially when you are young and have your whole life ahead of you. You do not have to rush into anything you are unsure about.
Being in a relationship may seem exciting, but it can be very distracting and can drain your emotional energy and time so much that you can hardly think or do anything else. Romantic emotion is a physical thing which could be sparked off by hormonal changes and peer pressure in a young person and without self control and adequate guidance at this point very serious mistakes could be made. As exciting as the prospects may seem, remember that the problems that come with relationships at this age may be a price too high to pay. Not being in a relationship when your friends are does not make you less of who you are, rather it actually adds to your strength of personality (trust me) and gives you more time to focus on time appropriate activities & life goals until you are ready for a more fruitful & meaningful relationship.